Clawing Your Way Out Of The Friend-Zone

Q - What are we? 
A - Friends, good friends, very good friends

Q - Where is this going? 
A - We are moving forward

Q - Do you see a future for us together? 
ALet's just be friends for now and see what happens

Q - What am I to you? 
A - You're more than a friend, you mean a lot to me

Q - What do you want from me?
A - I want you in my life. You know you're like a brother/sister to me

Q - Are we in a relationship? 
A - What we have is beautiful and special, why do you need to put a label on it?

Q - What's going on between us?
A - Why are you putting me on the hot-seat? Words can't describe what we have


Are any of these mini Question and Answer sessions familiar to you? Are you the one on the asking side? Sometimes it's not even Q & A - 

"I love you"

"Aww, thank you"

Ah! Welcome to the friend-zone, AKA the orange zone. Remember when we talked about the colour codes? {Click here if you missed it} Are you ready to leave the friend-zone behind? Well then, buckle up! Leaving the friend/orange-zone is two-way; you either move on to the green-zone or the red-zone and we'll be discussing how to go either way.


So you're bent on clinging to that tiny ray of hope, of getting to the green zone? Very well then. Here's what we have for you... in no particular order and quite independent of each other -

1) Withdraw. You know how they say people only realize the value of what they have when it's gone? Let that bird fly and it will hopefully come back... hopefully.

2) Ask. Sometimes people just assume and that can be misleading. Instead of dying in silence, make your intentions clear - very clear - and find out where things really stand. That singular act can open the door for you.

3) Become feely-touchy flirty. Go on a harmless touch quest - touch your love interest's head, neck, hand, cheek... look deeply into his/her eyes and you could set off some sparks they didn't know they had for you. Careful though, especially if they keep looking away or slapping your hand away.

4) Get aggressive baby. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Be the best version of you, your love interest has ever seen. Shower affection and attention like they are going out of style. Go the whole nine yards, add the extra-mile and then go some more... basically a journey of no return. Prove that you'll catch a grenade and put your hand on a blade for him/her. In three words - become Bruno Mars.

Bonus - If the above points fail, consider moving to the red zone. You can't win all the time. Sorry!


Honey, if you're tired of waiting to get to the so-near-yet-so-far green zone, then prepare yourself because we are about to go all tough-love-intervention on your behind.

1) Spring clean! Remember all those talks of never burning a bridge? Fling them out the window. Cry if you need to, but you have to burn this particular bridge... that's how you'll make sure you can't go back. Delete phone numbers and traces of interaction. Disconnect from him/her on all social media platforms. Do not return missed calls or text messages. Basically get rid of anything that may remind or tempt you into second-guessing your decision to leave the friend-zone... yes, inclusive of gifts/mementos. Out of sight is out of mind.

2) Offer no explanations. If the other party doesn't think you're good enough to be in the green-zone, then you owe them no explanations whatsoever. If  you attempt to explain, they may sweet-talk you into changing your mind and staying back in the friend-zone - so, don't! Sweetie, cut those ties and never look back.

3) Find a strong support system. Don't over-estimate your emotional strength. Be honest with yourself and if you don't think you're strong enough to handle it all on your own, then involve some trusted friends to stop you from drunk-dialing or taking decisions at weak moments.

4) Get a rebound. Before you crucify me on this one, let's be realistic. The easiest way to kick a habit is by picking up a new one. Plus, if you are at this point, you need rather desperate measures. The good thing is that your rebound doesn't have to be a person. It can be a hobby - like floral arrangement, cooking,  star-gazing or hypnotizing chickens... whatever tickles your fancy.

Bonus - Search your soul. Are you ready to have a Child with someone who has no intentions of being married to you? (*side eye* at babes) When a handshake extends beyond the elbow, it becomes something else and friend-zone matters have a way of doing just that. You run the risk of crossing the realm of regular friendship into a quasi/pseudo relationship AKA side chic/dude situation... and that's how you find yourself playing baby-mama/daddy. You're probably caught up on the Davido drama, no? Click here and here to get the scoop. If this doesn't make you rethink your position, then I don't know what will.

PS - There's no way to guarantee that any of these  tips will work but you can't know until you try, right?

***If you're the one keeping someone in the friend-zone, please let go and let live! Break it off even if he/she hangs on begging and crying, be kind but firm! The person will probably hate you for it but that's okay. It will actually aid him/her in getting over you quickly.

Got your own experiences? Share in the comments.



  1. hmm this is serious o. The baby drama thing is really getting out of hand. babes please close ya legss

  2. I think the brother/sister zoning is terrible. I don't know if it an adult adoption process for homeless people. Anyway, one needs to be one's FRSC Marshal and Federal Character Commissioner at the same time to be able to read these colours and "know thy zone".

    1. Quite right! Which is the reason these guidelines have been provided :)